Max....my little boy....we are working on his placement into a home type environment. This is in the greatest good. I am grateful for Tony's wife on this matter, she is doing the leg work and I get to tag along. I was thinking about some of the comments I've heard from Brenda concerning his care, and the difficulty she is having with it. She's been dealing with it for maybe a year....I dealt with it for 7 years or so....hmmm....my way of dealing with it was sadly not so positive. But really he's just the same as he was for me, only he's taller and stronger. I know the difficulty and I know the anxiety that comes along with his care. No one gets that. It feels over whelming and sad to know that I had no skills to cope with him. I shut it all out. I turned to other things. I ran away. How does a mom do that? I love Anthony, Jill, Mitchel, Sam and Max more that ever.
There are times when I wonder why I had kids. Was I ever a good parent. OK so no good/bad game. It is what it is...it was HELL, and I only just survived in it. If it's true that our lives are a test then it could be said that I have failed.
I AM a powerful, beautiful, peaceful, open woman of light!