Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Warning!! I Have Broken Out the Big Word..

I have never tried butternut squash soup, today I did, and it was just like eating a lovely bowl of Christmas. Warm, and flavorful, smooth and creamy, just a delicious new treat for me.
I haven't really been into the holidays this year.  I'm working on that, but truthfully I'm just wanting the time to pass so I can move on to my next celebration, Martin Luther King Day, or Civil Right's Day or what ever is politically correct now.  Just for the record I am usually ticked on MLK Day because the Utah Legislature goes into session that day.  They take off for some other really dumb stuff, but not for
THE day that celebrates equality.  I know I've sort of been on an equality kick for a while, but I really feel it's an important issue.  It's not just about race or gender, or sexual preference for me it's about loving all people.
I was an odd child, and I was made fun of and I hated it. Until I was 14 I lived "in the mission field" so I used to blame it on the religion I was raised in but I'm not so sure anymore of the reason.  Maybe it was just because I was too straight, or too quiet, or too loud, or too short or too young looking or... I could go on and on.  My mom used to say it was because I was too pretty and that others were jealous.  Thanks mom, but it wasn't that either.
I remember really "trying" to be good as in "follow the prophet, follow the prophet, follow the prophet don't go astra-ay") good.  When I was in the 7th grade I was just such a girl for a while, then I discovered boys and fun.  I found out that I could talk to them easily and they would listen to me.  (That, was because I was pretty, mom)  I learned that holding hands was OK, and that if a guy put his arm around me, it was not cool to pretend I had a sun burn because I was embarrassed, or uncomfortable.  I learned that teenagers listened to Elton John and Ki Ki Dee, and The Carpenters, and The Captain and Tennille and not Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, George Jones, and Tammy Wynette.  I learned that dancing was fun, and that girls should wear cute bikini underwear...not white waist highs...and that if a girl wore said white waist high underwear other girls would laugh at me, as we changed for PE. (Which is also a laughable event, changing for PE...)  Also, girls should not let their mother's dress them in Winnie the Pooh separates in Junior High School, even if they fit and are cute...(not a laughable event).
So, anyway I was a good girl, but I was not popular.  I didn't care if I was the most popular or anything, I just wanted to have a girl-friend or two (boys were easy to be friends with, cuz I was cute, Mom).  The girls I went to church with were the ones that I "thought" would be my friends, but ahhh NO!!  That was not to be.  One day as I was walking home with my friend Scotty, (who is still my friend today)  I noticed that the popular Mormon girls were ahead of us.  They were walking with some other popular girls and I heard one of the Mormon girls yell out the "F" word...Now I didn't hear that word much, and I wasn't sure so I asked Scott if that was what she had said and he said yep she said "Fuck".  Whaaat?????  She's a MORMON!!!!!  I admit I was in judgment there but I just thought that we were not supposed to talk like that, but, lo and behold here is the biggest "naughty word" you can say coming out of her nice little Mormon mouth...I was amazed, and then I was mad.  I was trying to fit in by being "good" so that I would have friends that shared my same values, and all the time it wasn't true at all.  I lost a lot of faith that day.  I also learned a lot then too.  I learned that people are not always honest, that they will show the side they need to, to be accepted.  I learned that hypocrisy was still alive and well.  I also learned that it didn't matter what I did.  I needed to do what everyone else did to fit in, so I did.  I still wasn't popular, I still didn't have many friends, and I was still sad a lot because of it.  I learned that people judge and are harsh if to those that don't fit the mold.
That brings me back to MLK and Equal Rights Day.  People are harsh and we judge those that don't fit in the mold.  No matter what a person does to "try" to fit in. I read a lot of blogs that share this same philosophy.  Some label the offender, but to be honest, I don't know a soul who doesn't judge a little here and there.  It's human nature to compare and make a judgment based on experiences or feelings.  I'm just wondering if at some point we can just be accountable for that and forgive ourselves and move on.  I'm sure it's over done but Gandhi's  quote, is so applicable here.

Just a side note...where did that come from all I wanted to share was that I had a delicious bowl of Christmas today!!!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

MANKIND IS NO ISLAND - Tropfest NY 2008 Winner

I saw this on another blog, and pilfered the idea...had to thankful...Love you Blog world

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Not that I need to know, but....

The other day while I was at work a family member of my patient said this to me. "Not that I need to know, but are you LDS?"  My reply was .. "Well, I don't know. (Pause) I used to be."  To which she began to ramble on about on well we love you anyway, and started to share a story about a friend of hers that isn't LDS or Mormon, and how much she loved her "anyway" too...WTF!!!  I was annoyed.  Really, I've had a lot of people ask me that question, but I've never had a person react like that to my reply.
I've been wondering, if maybe I was the problem because I really haven't figured out how to answer that question anymore.  I used to say yes, because I was a TBM.  Then I was inactive so I'd still say yes, and occasionally move on to more conversation about the Mormon church and why I was inactive, if I was so inclined.  Now that I am considering resigning my membership in the church it feels hypocritical to say yes, even though officially I am still a member.
That is one of the biggest reasons I want to resign, well other than not believing it anymore, DUH.  I can't not believe in the church, and still say I am a member.  Hypocrisy is the biggest turn off for me.  I have never wanted to BE someone on the outside, when on the inside I am thinking and feeling something totally different.  In fact, I'm sure that pretending to be the person I wasn't played a huge part in my divorce, and frankly in the relationship I had with my ex's family.  I just refused to pretend that my shit didn't stink in front of them and it just didn't jive well. 
I don't ask people what religion they are.  I have a friend that had moved to Utah, from the North East. Her name is Mary and she was of a faith other than the predominant one here.  One day she and I were chatting after the city celebration parade, and the Mormon missionaries came up behind us.  They boldly asked us, "Are you members of the church?"  I said I was, because at the time I was TBM, but Mary's response was classic and it was the best example I have ever seen of showing a person how offensive it was to her to be asked that question.  She turned to the young elders and said, "Which Church are you asking me about?  I do belong to a church, and if you want to know I am Lutheran and I attend that church down the road.  When you blindly ask if I am a member of "the church" you must state which church or religion that is, because there are hundreds of churches and religions in the world, young men."  I was clapping inside and smiling on the outside...way to go Mary!!
Even though I was TBM, my life has always been filled with people from all walks of life.  I may have shared my story about being 5 and asking my mom to go to catechism with my other 5 year old friend, but I'm sharing it again because it really shaped a part of who I am and why I have always "tried" to be open to everyone.  So like I said when I was 5 I had a friend, and at that time of my life friends were hard to come by.  I was sure it was because I was a Mormon living in Montana, but that's never been proven. My friend invited me to catechism, and not caring or know what catechism was I innocently asked my mom if I could go with my friend to it.  Her response was, "No, you can't go, but you are welcome to invite her to Primary with us."  My 5 year old mind was confused.  Huh?  Why?  I just wanted to be with my friend. As I remember there was some discussion later in the evening as to why, but I don't have those details memorized, so I'll skip that.  So there you go my first lesson on hypocrisy.  I experienced a few more of these lessons in my life but that is the one I remember being first. Because of that experience I make sure that people know I have no judgment for what they believe and that I am interested in learning more about it, if they are willing to share.
I mentioned living in Montana when I was 5, and I have lived in a lot of other places that were not predominately Mormon, so I know what it feels like to be the odd man out, so to speak. I learned to grab a friend when a friend was willing.  I didn't care what religion they were, or what color their skin was, or how much money their parents made.  In fact I grew up around a lot of people with money and it didn't make then any nicer than anyone else.  As I have grown in to an adult I have learned to embrace all the differences around me even more and love them.  I even embrace the religion I am leaving because it has taught me many of the lessons of my life, and I would not be who I am with out it.  BUT PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, DO NOT SAY YOU LOVE ME "ANYWAY" WHEN YOU FIND OUT I AM NOT A MEMBER OF "THE CHURCH"...  Amen..?

Friday, October 15, 2010

What If

I've been reading a lot lately about the LBGT community and Boyd K Packer's talk in the recent General Conference.  I know that all religions take a stand for moral ideas and that is what works for them.  I'm sure that if there were no moral "rules" then our world would be even more slimy and barbaric.  The treatment of women and children would be outrageous and it's even possible that people would never own their voice to change the situation. 
Look at the past, the Holocaust, what happens in the Sudan, in Afghanistan, and Iraq.  There are so many that have no voice.  Look at America, the children that are raised with morals that tell them they must protect their "territory" with violence, or that it's OK to kill to right a wrong. There are women and men that are pushed around and bullied by their spouses, or their parents.  I could go on and on, but the bottom line is that there is good news in it all. 
The good new is that every one that I know  has a voice. (and that's like..well, a whole bunch..) They can stand up and say NO! I don't agree with what you said, or I don't get why this is happening let's fix it.  Even better news is that once someone stands up to the plate, others will follow.
Boyd K Packer gets to say how he feels, the church he belongs to influences his morals and therefore others will follow him.  That is good new for them. 
The good news for me is that I can see a million other people that have been taught a moral position that may or may not agree with BKP, but they are willing to stand for PEOPLE...Someone gets to stand up for People.  Look at history.  If someone had allowed Hitler to continue would anyone in the world know a Jew?  If there continues to be a moral bludgeoning of  Gays, Lesbians, Bisexual, or Transgendered people will my great grandchildren know some one who is LBG or T?  Sure it seems far fetched, but what if?
I'm just wondering if we all just learned to just LOVE PEOPLE, what would happen.  Love is light, acceptance, and truth. It is peace. It does not include judgment or harsh words.  It doesn't limit a persons morality.  It is just what it is Love.


Sunday, October 10, 2010


Over there on the side of my blog I have made a list that says "Great reads I've shared with Wilson."
Is anyone wondering who he is?  I would if I were reading this blog so I thought I'd share.
Wilson is my Nook.  It's a Barnes and Noble e book reader.  I got it from TD from Christmas last year.  It's probably my favorite Christmas present ever.
I named him Wilson because TD had order it way in advance and Barnes and Noble had sold out, so they were scrambling to get all the orders out before the holiday.  TD told me that it was scheduled to get here on Christmas Eve, so he was getting nervous.  He was joking about the movie Cast Away.  Somehow that deteriorated in to a discussion about Wilson.  We laughed about it most of the day.  The Nook did get here on time late afternoon on Christmas Eve.

Nooks have names.  I didn't know that but, when I was reading the directions it said to name my nook, at first I went for a girls name Molly (which is another funny story it won't subject you to).  But then I was thinking about it and said to myself...uh...what the heck...I should...I will call him Wilson.  It just seemed to fit him so much better.

I spend lots of time sitting in the blob reading books. The blob is a huge bean bag chair that TD got for Christmas that just seems to continue growing.  I don't think it's stopped yet and it's almost Christmas again The blob is really comfortable, but it also tricks me in to falling asleep.  So sometimes I sleep in the blob with Wilson...TD doesn't even care...

Love and Light Everyone!!!

Once in a Lifetime

Today is 10/10/10 so I am posting for history's sake.  
I read somewhere that it only happens every 1000 years.
I did not check that fact though only because I don't want to do the math.
I just choose to believe the internet this time...
Enjoy your once in a life time day!!!!
Love and Light

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Sunrise in Sedona

Overlook from the Airport

Some Quail at Sunrise

Lots of pics of the sunrise but I can't pick so you get them all...or well most of them anyway....

My Trip

I took a wonderful trip to Sedona Arizona with some friends that I share similar life experiences with.  Can I just say what a beautiful place it is.  It is a contradiction in landscapes.  There are huge red rocks that jut out of the land, there are white rock canyons, and calm beautiful streams that wind through it all. This is the view from my hotel..

The first place that we visited was what I call the most perfect swimming hole.  The scenery heading to the swimming hole is of course gorgeous.  There is a beautiful sky high red rock in the distance.  I never made it there because I found the swimming hole and didn't want to leave.  Walking up the path to a group of trees it seemed as if it was going to be a long haul, but of course with the scenery.  Just past the trees there it was the perfect swimming hole.  It looked like the stream was coming from the red rock and as it reached the spot just through the trees it spilled over into more red flat rocks that were just at ground level. Then the water fell over the end of these rocks into the most calm, peaceful, clean pool of water with a small beach on one side and then the outlet to allow the water to continue down stream.  I could have sat there all day.  I did slip on the ground level flat rocks and got all wet which was fine.  The flat rocks also made a slide into the pool.  What a great place...The Perfect Swimming Hole...Yahoo!!! I didn't get very good pictures of the pool because I was afraid to take my phone/camera out there since I had fallen once already but here's the idea.

Destination number two I can only describe as Magical.  Again it seemed like the day would be miserable and hot but I was mistaken again.  We drove about 10 miles up a canyon and found where we were to park.  We started hiking down the path and wow, everything just started to open up.  First we walked through an area that had old buildings on it. They were almost all gone but there were a few things left.  An old house, a barn or maybe even another house, and a cave inside a rock.  Apple trees that were obviously spaced for farming, and open fields that may have been for fields of other crops.  A way down the path it was more like a forest.  Just in the forest like trees, was a canyon of white and red sheer rocks straight to the sky, and meandering through that was the same stream of water from the day before.  It was cool and shady and the stream was calling me to follow it.  Then I found out why.  The water had carved out areas underneath the rocks.  These areas were beautiful.  The were crystal clear water pools.  (I'm just not a thesaurus of words today)  Smooth and cool.  Rocks and boulders that had fallen from above poked out of the water.  It is so hard to describe such a beautiful place.  Here's some pics...

Day Three was the dry day.  Hiked in the sun and really dispite how beautiful it was I was dehydrated before 10 minutes had passed.  So I just took a lot of pictures of the flowers and cactus.  I want a do over there because I have an affinity for rocks but my body wasn't going to let me that day.  Bell Rock was the first visit I got some good pics of it and the area around it.  Snoopy what the last place we visited.  You can see him in the distance.  Great energy there...

Shopping in Sedona was terrific!!  I'm not a shopper but I got a few nice things at a crystal shop, and an art show that was in town for the weekend. 

I loved Sedona and I will go there again...

Oh I forgot about the sunrise, I'll post the pics next....