Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Warning!! I Have Broken Out the Big Word..

I have never tried butternut squash soup, today I did, and it was just like eating a lovely bowl of Christmas. Warm, and flavorful, smooth and creamy, just a delicious new treat for me.
I haven't really been into the holidays this year.  I'm working on that, but truthfully I'm just wanting the time to pass so I can move on to my next celebration, Martin Luther King Day, or Civil Right's Day or what ever is politically correct now.  Just for the record I am usually ticked on MLK Day because the Utah Legislature goes into session that day.  They take off for some other really dumb stuff, but not for
THE day that celebrates equality.  I know I've sort of been on an equality kick for a while, but I really feel it's an important issue.  It's not just about race or gender, or sexual preference for me it's about loving all people.
I was an odd child, and I was made fun of and I hated it. Until I was 14 I lived "in the mission field" so I used to blame it on the religion I was raised in but I'm not so sure anymore of the reason.  Maybe it was just because I was too straight, or too quiet, or too loud, or too short or too young looking or... I could go on and on.  My mom used to say it was because I was too pretty and that others were jealous.  Thanks mom, but it wasn't that either.
I remember really "trying" to be good as in "follow the prophet, follow the prophet, follow the prophet don't go astra-ay") good.  When I was in the 7th grade I was just such a girl for a while, then I discovered boys and fun.  I found out that I could talk to them easily and they would listen to me.  (That, was because I was pretty, mom)  I learned that holding hands was OK, and that if a guy put his arm around me, it was not cool to pretend I had a sun burn because I was embarrassed, or uncomfortable.  I learned that teenagers listened to Elton John and Ki Ki Dee, and The Carpenters, and The Captain and Tennille and not Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, George Jones, and Tammy Wynette.  I learned that dancing was fun, and that girls should wear cute bikini underwear...not white waist highs...and that if a girl wore said white waist high underwear other girls would laugh at me, as we changed for PE. (Which is also a laughable event, changing for PE...)  Also, girls should not let their mother's dress them in Winnie the Pooh separates in Junior High School, even if they fit and are cute...(not a laughable event).
So, anyway I was a good girl, but I was not popular.  I didn't care if I was the most popular or anything, I just wanted to have a girl-friend or two (boys were easy to be friends with, cuz I was cute, Mom).  The girls I went to church with were the ones that I "thought" would be my friends, but ahhh NO!!  That was not to be.  One day as I was walking home with my friend Scotty, (who is still my friend today)  I noticed that the popular Mormon girls were ahead of us.  They were walking with some other popular girls and I heard one of the Mormon girls yell out the "F" word...Now I didn't hear that word much, and I wasn't sure so I asked Scott if that was what she had said and he said yep she said "Fuck".  Whaaat?????  She's a MORMON!!!!!  I admit I was in judgment there but I just thought that we were not supposed to talk like that, but, lo and behold here is the biggest "naughty word" you can say coming out of her nice little Mormon mouth...I was amazed, and then I was mad.  I was trying to fit in by being "good" so that I would have friends that shared my same values, and all the time it wasn't true at all.  I lost a lot of faith that day.  I also learned a lot then too.  I learned that people are not always honest, that they will show the side they need to, to be accepted.  I learned that hypocrisy was still alive and well.  I also learned that it didn't matter what I did.  I needed to do what everyone else did to fit in, so I did.  I still wasn't popular, I still didn't have many friends, and I was still sad a lot because of it.  I learned that people judge and are harsh if to those that don't fit the mold.
That brings me back to MLK and Equal Rights Day.  People are harsh and we judge those that don't fit in the mold.  No matter what a person does to "try" to fit in. I read a lot of blogs that share this same philosophy.  Some label the offender, but to be honest, I don't know a soul who doesn't judge a little here and there.  It's human nature to compare and make a judgment based on experiences or feelings.  I'm just wondering if at some point we can just be accountable for that and forgive ourselves and move on.  I'm sure it's over done but Gandhi's  quote, is so applicable here.

Just a side note...where did that come from all I wanted to share was that I had a delicious bowl of Christmas today!!!

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