I saw this post in my drafts and wondered why it was there and I read through it. I have no idea when I wrote this, I messed the date up when I edited it. I must have been around the first of the year though...I was an angry girl.. Not sure what I was angry about but..since I'm not hiding who I am...I'm posting it...WOW...was I angry...
I am a 45 y.o. previously very active, raised in the LDS church, woman. I am the oldest of 9 kids, I never thought I was smart. I graduated from high school with a B average, but not from Seminary as I was so behind in school I "couldn't" take it (seminary) my SR. year...not that I was all broken up, but I think my parents were. I was always saying during HS that I wanted to be a cosmetologist, or a Interior Decorator (which I found I sucked at..LOL). I was also very interested in science, nursing, psychology, and crime. I just thought I was not smart enough or strong enough for any of that. So in May 1982 when I graduated, I went to work for my dad, no one said hey, daughter would you like to go to this cosmetology school or check in to this or that, that schools were not in to that like now or at least I never knew about that...So I just figured I'd party for the summer and work, and see what happened...maybe save money...buy a car and move out...bla bla...fantasies .. with that money I made @ 2.10 an hr...HA HA...
Well one day my Dad, said hey your friend Cathy is going to Rick College, would you like to go and be her roommate..well OK I say...great...I packed my stuff, and went Rexbug (Wreckburg or Iceburg as I so fondly remember it) Got in the dorm and met my roomies. That was it. No tour, no schedule making (I didn't even know I had to do that) just, we'll see you on the weekends or holidays...we got other kids to raise, you are at one of the Lord's schools so you'll be fine...bla bla... (In hind sight, I know my parent were doing the best they could...)
I was not disciplined, I didn't go to bed at night, I slept all day, I didn't go to class, I failed my first year of college, but I did met my future ex husband!!!! I loved the boy I met, just perfectly cute and just rebellious enough for me. Well, being at the Lord's school he some how found God and decided to go on a mission. My parent's LOVED him...they wanted us to get married. After the future ex left for his mission I started dated my High School love...of course Satan had sent him...to distract me from future ex and my dad wondered if I wanted to spend some time in Mexico with his old Mission companions family...I say OK fun...so I go, I did choose to stay for the 18 mos future ex was out (that was before your time I suppose) I came home when he came home, and we got engaged and got married. Do you see any dating or falling in love with some one or making sure future ex and I were in love or good for each other? NO!!! I just was, the way I thought it was supposed to be period...I was old though 21 he was 23...can you imagine..We stared a family soon after...I decided that I would not set a number of kids just age limit...35. I worked, future ex went to school. I was almost 23 when the oldest was born and we were on the was to happy Mormon FHE. Oh did I say that I wanted to get married in one temple, but my dad wanted me to get married in the one he did, so guess where I got married...yup...the one my dad did...I know I amaze myself at the stupidity. Ended up with 5 kids, last child was "HIS" he wanted one more not me...he begged, and I gave in. My boy was born 16 wks early and who spent all the time with him ME!!! NOT HIM!!!
So I thought I would love going to nursing school after little boy was born (great NICU experience). So I went to college, just figured it all out and went to school, while juggling the demands of 5 kids, apart time job, busy career man..and demanding church...I was the spiritual living teacher...LOL...or is that the opposite...LoL..anyway graduated in 2005 and started my career ... I was just too busy for the future ex. I didn't schedule around him anymore, I expected his assistance...he was not happy. He was important..his job, his important church calling..prominent place in the community...etc. We were divorced in 2007. My kids live with him, because I wore out, and He likes to be the best and the winner, so he is. See what happens when we don't get an education, and we don't talk about what women can do, and we think that marrying the guy our dad likes in the place our dad likes is what we are supposed to do. See what happens when raising just 4 kids isn't enough, when we have to have just 1 more...and see what happens to kids when it all falls apart??? And see what happens to the faithful that say but why can't I live with my handicapped boy, I worked hard, I love him, I love the others....why does this have to be so difficult...why would God say his mom wasn't good enough just like she is? Why would future ex threaten his ex wife with "calling her DAD" to see what he would have to say about her not wanting to get her temple recommend renewal till she answered these questions...??? There are so many more stories I could share, I'm sure others have even better ones than that...but that's mine or at least part of mine...WOMEN are important....MOM's are important....MOM who choose to have a career or important, MOM's who choose to stay at home with their kids are important...every woman that gives up one dream for a self important "RIGHTEOUS" man...is IMPORTANT, even if she is never heard, even once. Stand up for your self, be honest with your self, share your feelings, do what you know is in the highest good for you...first and foremost then takes on the rest of your life...DON'T give in...BE who you know you are.
Mindy
I saw this post in my drafts and wondered why it was there and I read through it. Hmmm....I must have written this when I was very angry about something. I'm not hiding who I am so...I'm posting it...WOW...was I angry...
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