Monday, October 19, 2009

The Yearly Review

AAAAHHHH.... The yearly evaluation, such joy, such a happiness, such warm fuzzies...? I think not. I dread evaluation. This year was no different. I got to the bosses office, and waited for the previous person to finish, entered the room, closed the door and sat across from the chief. She is a nice woman, and I know she has plenty of stuff on her shelf, so meeting with all the employees once a year is probably not her favorite thing either. Jefe was actually the one that hired me almost 10 years ago, to work as a PCT on the CVU, which I did for 5 years. I had just started school, and I worked nights from 6:00 pm to 2:30 am. I felt confident and knowledgeable about my job, I knew who I could ask questions of, and who I should avoid annoying with a question or two. About a year ago I had a couple of very negative experiences related to my job....I suppose you could say my feel goods got hurt, and they are still stinging...The day that happened I learned a HUGE lesson about where I fit in the world. I learned where the bottom line really is...and I learned that I am the only one that is going to stick up for me. Not that I didn't already know that , as in, I know that I must save myself before I can do anything for others. I sure forget that a lot. Evaluations are uncomfortable, at times they are condescending, and others are a celebration. I wonder if everyone comes to tears at these things. I didn't mean to, I took a pill so I'd be less worried, less stressed, but what happened?? Yep, open water works. I really was ready to move on, really...but now I deserved to emotionally regroup and find a place of peace and love of the life I get to create for myself.

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