Monday, August 6, 2012

What I Found Out at My 30 Year High School Reunion

Bonneville High School Class of 1982, THE BEES, are ready to march. ( I so could have used some word here like swarm, but .... well I'm thinking ... naaaa...might be to much) The ladies in white robes and the boys (yes they were still boys) dressed in emerald green. The caps all carefully placed so that the BIG HAIR would not be smashed too much. Many of us with a handful of rocks to give to the principal as we shake his hand, and receive our diploma. It's one the those days that one never forgets. The "end" of our youth. Every one with plans to move on in a new direction. College, work, more partying, less partying, religious missions, to marry or not, the cross road sign has a direction marked for every one to follow. Of course there are romantic dreams of happily ever after, a white picket fence and 2.5 children, (more or less), toys, boats, and cars, one can buy with the extra cash earned while working the full time job with with a raise from minimum wage. This High School Graduation for many is synonymous with freedom. And of course .... this is the mantra of every graduating class of every high school in every town large and small in American. This last day, a celebration, a memory lane of stepping stones and muddied paths, a diversity of trails over conquered mountains. "Our Future is bright, The world is yours for the taking," and other such sage advice is spoken. And we know it!!! The day has come High School is done. Dream, aspire, take in on, be the change, change the world .... Class of '82 goes on with LIFE!

30 years pass, and LIFE has gone on. What a privilege to be one of this class of amazing, beautiful, people. After the ice breaker party I said to my life long seems that we've (me and my 2 best friends) all settled into our niche. Myself, Mindy, the loud one, the one who still forget that there are limits but still wants to fit in (one too many... Oops...yes made me a bit of lush..) The social butterfly, the leader Lisann. She is the glue of us three. And Heather, the fun loving girl, the cheer leader, the intellectual one, the one that will analyze and wonder out loud why this or why that. That is my group, my trusted ones, the one that kept the secrets, and covered the typical teenage lies. The ones that absorbed the embarrassment of some stupid mistake, who cheered for success, and shared tears at the break ups of first loves. They that knew how life was at home, and who stood side by side as teenage angst got tough. And these are the girls, or are we women, that continue on still to keep all those fun times, sad memories, and the joy of our pasts alive. And finally we got to spend sometime together all of us three, it was fun, it was a comfort it was the same. Funny how we can just pick up where we left off, just a few years in between. These two ladies are beautiful and kind. They have lived their lives with grace. The ups and the downs, as life for us all has left some bruises and scars, but in the end, on the other side of it all this little group is still beautiful, successful, loving friends for life. I love you both. I know it sounds all a bit mushy, but...well too damn bad....that's what's in my heart.

Of course this 30 years past brought out so many others who took the time to share a moment or two. It was so fun to see the people I knew, and the people I didn't. To talk to those I was just acquainted with and share stories with those that were more intimate friends. So much loving, energy. Excitement at seeing a past love, the nervousness seeing friends that back in school were "special" or "too cool". One of the best things I experienced this weekend is that every person I used to pass in the hallway, or stand in the lunch line with or that made fun of me or that I gossiped about has lived a full life, just like me. Theses friends are not just a picture in a year book on a shelf. They are not limited to being the mostly likely to succeed, or the prettiest, or the best couple, or relegated to being the most likely to trip down the stairs at commencement (thank you very much....I did not BTW, but there have been other incidences...that I won't likely share)

We have all had broken hearts, lost loved ones, wished for the success of our children, cried at for them at their failures. We've all wept at death and disappointment, and mourned the end of a marriage, or celebrated divorce, if that was the case. Some are still broken, fragile and nursing their wounds. Many are climbing the hill, living in moment to moment segments of life in order to make tomorrow. The most touching past I learned left me in tears, and really I wasn't sure if I was sad or joyful for success. I learned of one of us that had been homeless, and now has conquered their demond. I don't know about others but I wonder if it's the same, that the reality of our lives comes to this. Just as we learned 30 years ago in a rural Idaho gymnasium dressed in green and white gowns, during a celebration of the beginning of the "rest of OUR life" that the choice of paths we have are numerous, and that we get to take anyone of them we want. And in the end it doesn't matter if I am an air headed lush or if Lisaan is a popular social butterfly, or that Heather is an earth loving intellectual. It matters that we have all followed our perspective paths and weathered the storms and learned the lessons that life has given us.

My experience of you, the 1982 graduating class of Bonneville (say it in your head...I did BONN VILLE) High School is, that you are beautiful, loving, insightful, intelligent, successful, giving, open hearted, open minded, forgiving, fun loving, happy, free, life weathered, gorgeous souls. I loved spending the weekend with you all. Rekindling old friendships, and making new friends and soul mates....I love you all.....



Friday, July 6, 2012

It's Not Surprising, Is It?

According to The Daily Herald, sheeple and hypocrisy are alive and well in Happy Valley. It's to be expected really ... I mean what were they to do, someone was actually going to stand up and say "NO! NO, I don't want this in my neighborhood. No! This was promised to us years ago, don't go back on your word!"

Frankly, this gripes me and I'm in agreement with JulieAnn over at Ravings of a Semi-Mad Woman. The people of Provo City should be ASHMED!! I am ashmed for them. Here they are, fighting for what they feel was promised to them years ago, winning, and then BOOM ... A LETTER .... A PLEA ... A THREAT ...

All I can do is shake my head and wonder if anyone will ever pull the wool off their eyes and say .... "Hey, I have a right to this, and your not going to take it away." This is religous BULLYING...YES! I said that the Mormon church is a what? .....


Wednesday, June 27, 2012


My blog has been neglected ... for a long time. I have excuses I really do. I didn´t know how to post on my IPad, the Holidays, a wedding, a life .... blah, blah, blah, ....

Really I´ve been keeping ideas in different places, on Pintrest, in my notes, in my hand written note books, so it´s not like I was giving up.

I saved this quote on Pinterest a while ago, and today I thought ... That´s perfect!!! I´ll post that and then I´ll just keep working on my blog .... I´ll just FAKE IT ... I´ll FAKE IT TILL I MAKE IT, until it´s easy and I don´t worry about what I write about.

I have people I know that follow this blog and sometimes I worry about their feelings...I´ve commited to be honest here and sometimes I say things people don't want to know about. So here I am again saying I´m going to continue to post, and say it like it is for ME, and that´s it, PERIOD, EXCLAMATION POINT... (does it mean more if I write out the words like that?)

I love this quote FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT! It´s perfect for a girl like me.

I FAKE IT in my job all the time. Now don't be afraid. I'm not dangerous or anything!!! Nurses have to carry a lot of medical mumbo jumbo around in their heads. Sometimes there are things up there that are locked away in a filling cabinet that's been forgotten about or buried in a pile that's covered with dust. My remedy to this problem is to FAKE IT. YES!!!! I FAKE IT! I carry cheat sheets with me. I have a notebook, some 5x7 cards and a couple of pneumonic phrases I've made up so that I remember things I don't use all the time.

I am a FAKE parent. I FAKE IT daily as a parent. I learned that from my parents, they had no choice but to FAKE IT, with all the kids they have. 6 girls 3 boys, that's a license to FAKE IT. Kids do not come with instructions manuals and as parenting classes are not yet mandatory in order to bear children the best we can to is FAKE our way through it. My parents have MADE IT though, their kids are all grown up, FAKING their own way through parenting. I've partially MADE IT, most of my kids are old enough to be legally responsible for their actions. YAY for me!!! I've even obtained some substitute parents for my Max, so I get to be his FAKE mom every day! His real mom, Sandy is so not FAKE, but I bet she's FAKED a few things here and there. Sandy MAKES IT every day with Max.

I'm not sure about being a FAKE Blogger, because I do have a blog and I have written some decent post, but I still feel like this theme is appropriate for me today, as I just don't know where to go with this blog. Sooo...When I came across this little saying FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT I knew that was perfect. It's perfect because FAKING IT isn't a sign of failure. FAKING IT is a way to MAKE IT work (whatever IT, is).

I'm personally happy to FAKE IT as much as I do. I'm ready to take on MAKING IT, and if it means FAKING IT as a parent, a wife, a daughter, a nurse, or a blogger then BRING IT ON!!!!



Sunday, October 9, 2011


I'm just wondering if anyone has missed me?

I just today...yea I know about the grammatical problem me a new fangled wireless keyboard for my IPad...YEA!!!

So glad to be back in the blog world...that is if I can thing of anything to blog about now...


Monday, February 14, 2011

It's Only a Holiday

I have a love hate relationship with Valentine's Day. I used to celebrate it with zeal. I used to think it was so fun.
When I was in elementary school I would save the best Valentine cards for the the kids I liked the best. I only really remember one boy named Jamie that I liked. I went through all my little cards and choose the very best one for him.
In my memory my family didn't really "celebrate" Valentine's Day with something special. Sometimes we would deliver Valentines to our friends door steps, ring the door bell and run away. That was fun, I remember hoping that our door bell would ring, it did sometimes. I don't think this is a tradition for kids anymore, kinda sad I think.
When I was first married, I was a cake decorator at the local grocery store, where we lived. I worked every Valentine's Day, all day, very, very, long hours, making wedding cakes, and other special orders for the love struck of the community. Any idea how much food coloring it takes to make the correct color of red??? My hands were always stained red for days.
When I was in college, the guy I was dating, picked Valentine's Day to kiss me for the first time. He later became my husband. We sort of used Valentine's Day as an anniversary of sorts. We got engaged on Valentine's Day. (there might be a separate post about that, for levity's sake...) We celebrated that day with gifts, I even bought him a motorcycle one year. He loved it and we both rode it for fun and necessity. We are divorced.
I'm not sure how to feel about Valentine's Day now. Do I just stop remembering? Do I ignore it? Do I celebrate it in spite of the ambiguity I feel for it? Should I just make it though the day as I have for many years now?
I have someone new to love and I do love him with all I am, I know he loves equally as much. I have 5 children that I love with all my heart. I have 8 siblings, and their spouses and their kids that I love. I have parents that I love. I have extended family that I love. So is Valentine's Day about who I love, or about the experiences of love? Is it about tangible gifts or gifts of the heart? Is it a day that we must express love, or celebrate love, or fall in love?
For me when Valentine's Day approaches, I of course remember the past. I remember the dread of working so long, and so hard, and how red and stained my hands were. I also remember looking to a future. Of course then I never anticipated the bumpy, winding, curving, nauseating road to the present. I never thought about the joys and heartaches that come from the experience of loving. I never thought that as I worked long and hard to please everyone in my world, that I would crumble and break, and how I would scar. Deep red scars that are permanent, but gratefully have begun to fade over time.
So I have a relationship with a holiday, I love it, and I mostly hate it. It is what it is, a Holiday, now what?

Monday, January 31, 2011

Monday, Monday...So Good to Me...

Unlike the rest of the world I USUALLY don't work on Monday. It just the way my master schedule is and I really like it that way. Yes, I have a full time job. I work three twelve hour shifts a week.

That's right work three days, off four days. Seems great huh? Heck that's one of the reasons I thought it would be great to pursue nursing as a career. "Wow", I thought, nurses only work three days a week. I could work full time and still be a mom. Little did I know that three days a week, three twelve hour days a week, might kill me.
I'm really not complaining, I have a great job, in a great hospital, in a great unit, working with some great's...GREAT!!!

My favorite part of being and registered nurse, is connecting with the people I take care of. Most of them are older...that's as in older than me, not old...most of them are hilarious, some of them are grumpy and a few are cantankerous. However my relationship with my patients starts out, it my goal to see a smile on every face at least once a day. If I can create that then the first step to a connection is born. Rare is the person that can resist my bad jokes, or off tune singing of what ever song is stuck in my head for the day. Their smiles usually show pretty quick. The best is when there is witty banter with other staff. Last week I had just such an experience.....(thought cloud ... Cut to scene ... Generic cardiac ICU hospital room ... Somewhere USA...)

Back Info: After a person has open heart surgery it's important to get them up and moving. Cardiac Rehab is the program that assists the patients to get moving after their surgery. This is a twice daily event.

So on Friday afternoon, Wgirl, & Ken Doll(Cardiac Rehab team)and myself, were getting the patient ready to ambulate,(that means walk in nursy language) Wgirl rehab extraordinaire ..was singing a song I am unfamiliar with. I stated I didn't know that song and she said to me, "Do you ever listen to current music?" Hmmm...I thought...well..I'm sure I do...I said to Wgirl, "Why, of course I do, last week I was listening to Lean Like a Cholo." (another story for another blog post...)Any little patient shared that he liked The Four Freshmen, and I of course, had to belt out something about...doooowhooop,whoop... the patient got it, Wgril and Ken Doll were looking at me like I was insane. Then the old Song Tammy came to mind and I asked the patient if he remember that one. He did, I was gaining popularity with the patient. I asked him if the Four Freshman had gone to his alum-a-mater(spell checker fail?). He or his wife said I was mistaken that that was the The Lettermen. I was a rock-star now with my patient because I knew some of his songs, and a couple of groups. I could relate...and I could sing...ok attempt to sing a couple of 50's do-ooop's, and part of a sappy ballad about a girl named Tammy. All the while I was thinking...current music?? Dang my age is showing...

I know current music. My I-pod has everything from classical to rap and everything in between. I don't love jazz, but I do like Nora Jones and Jason Marz who are sort of jazzy??? Then I thought, "Who cares because I just made my patient smile", we connected through the 50's do-oop music that I listened to when I was younger.

I really do have a great job, and my "little old people" as I secretly call them are my favorite. They make me smile every day.

Last week one of my favorite nursing home patient's passed away. Her name was Minnie. She once told me she, "loved me daily"...and then an hour later referred to me as as..."a bitch". I choose to remember that with love and humor, and I'm sure she did think I was a bitch, and love me daily...she just didn't know who I was, and that doesn't matter to me, because I knew who she was. She touched my heart as so many of the people I get to know on a short term basis do.

I may or may not listen to "current" music, I may or may not love working 12 hour shifts, at perfect or not so perfect job...BUT, I LOVE what I do, the people I meet, the people I've learned to care for, the people who touch my life, and most of all I love Mondays off!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Midweek News

Some news....

I am an American Idol fan...

Some more news...

Tonight (I think) I will be a sort of step grandparent. Oddly I'm sort of excited, after all it is Doug that will actually be that grandpa....
So far there has not been any new of feet and toes ....
Well here's some news ... Her name is Addison. That's cute isn't it?
Last bit of news, I'm typing under the influence of sleeping pills...I promise nothing is going to make sense, and tomorrow I'm gonna laugh about this post....
Good Night John Boy, and Mary Ellen ..... Etc.

It's bugging me ...

I've got to post a bump so that the last post doesn't take up the whole screen.

Here's the BUMP!!!!

Just for good measure I wanted to add that sometimes people are exactly what I expect them to be....

And I got out if bed today hooray for me, cuz I really wanted to stay there today!!!


Sunday, January 23, 2011

Words are not necessary....I am "trying" to think of something poignant to post but this video says it all.

All of us are individuals...Love, Light and Peace to all...

Thursday, January 20, 2011


Today is January 20th.  One of the best friends I've ever had was born today.  I used to buy her a gift every year, which for me in not an easy task.  I'd fret and fear over it being perfect, something she would love, some thing tasteful, not cheep or cheesy.  The last time I saw her was in a store, I broke into tears because I missed who we used to be.  Both of our lives have changed though and we've moved on.  This morning I left a quick Happy Birthday on her Facebook page.  I noticed that she is also friends with my ex husbands new wife. which is OK, he deserves to have happiness.  The bite there is that my friendship with S. is now another causality, the last few years experiences. My ex got custody I guess.

Of course I know that losses are a part of life and that as I choose this over that I choose to gain or lose certain things.   The scale of gain and loss seems a bit unequal much of the time. There is  no way to know how great the impact of the things I've gained and those I will have lost over my lifetime would impact me.

I remember as far back as elementary school, I had a friend named Tammy.  We were the same age I think and did a lot together, I don't remember when or how we became friends but I do remember when her family left, and I didn't have her for a friend anymore.  It seems a short time after that my family left the state we were living in to another.  I was not sad, I had no friend.  The little kids that I went to school with were not sad either, I heard them cheer when they saw the moving van at my house as they walk home from school the day we moved from there.  1 friend gained, 1 friend lost, 1 notch off the self esteem belt...

We moved many more times over the years and I can only say that most of the time it was just like I described in the last paragraph, lots of nervous optimism, some friends, lots of boy crushes, but most of the time all that would end with a move to somewhere new.  When I was teenager I gained 2 or 3 good girl friends, and 1 just friend boy that I still have as friends.  Boat loads of lessons on how to be or not be, act or not act in any and all situations.  I would say I have lost a lot of friends over time, but due to the advent of Facebook I've actually found a lot of people I used to know, but who are now friends, AND mature grown ups. New out look on friends and the idiocy of maturity and growing up ... many friends gained,
self esteem, bah, who cares.....

This month I lost a friend to death.  The reason is not known.  Her and I had a common life experience, and we spoke occasionally about it.  We spoke about love, and about hate, because the commonality we shared was experienced like that for us.  We both shared the up and down chaos, smiles and heart ache of brain injuries.  She of her husbands brain injury related to an accident, and my son's brain injury related to birth. 
While I choose not to speculate about my friend, I do know when brain injuries are concerned, the physically affected are not the only casualty.  My love and every ounce of healing energy I can muster goes to her family.  I know there are angels that carry many of us over the heaping pile of brokenness, anger, sadness, and heartache related to this sort of unforeseen event in life. 

As I began this post I said today is my friends birthday.  I am sad she is "gone" to me now. But really there are so many that are gone now, and it's OK, because I got to learn all those lessons.  My aches aren't less but I do see the big picture so much better now.  And now I am wishing for one more angel to watch over me and mine....Happy Birthday S.  I love you T.  Take care both of you. 

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Warning!! I Have Broken Out the Big Word..

I have never tried butternut squash soup, today I did, and it was just like eating a lovely bowl of Christmas. Warm, and flavorful, smooth and creamy, just a delicious new treat for me.
I haven't really been into the holidays this year.  I'm working on that, but truthfully I'm just wanting the time to pass so I can move on to my next celebration, Martin Luther King Day, or Civil Right's Day or what ever is politically correct now.  Just for the record I am usually ticked on MLK Day because the Utah Legislature goes into session that day.  They take off for some other really dumb stuff, but not for
THE day that celebrates equality.  I know I've sort of been on an equality kick for a while, but I really feel it's an important issue.  It's not just about race or gender, or sexual preference for me it's about loving all people.
I was an odd child, and I was made fun of and I hated it. Until I was 14 I lived "in the mission field" so I used to blame it on the religion I was raised in but I'm not so sure anymore of the reason.  Maybe it was just because I was too straight, or too quiet, or too loud, or too short or too young looking or... I could go on and on.  My mom used to say it was because I was too pretty and that others were jealous.  Thanks mom, but it wasn't that either.
I remember really "trying" to be good as in "follow the prophet, follow the prophet, follow the prophet don't go astra-ay") good.  When I was in the 7th grade I was just such a girl for a while, then I discovered boys and fun.  I found out that I could talk to them easily and they would listen to me.  (That, was because I was pretty, mom)  I learned that holding hands was OK, and that if a guy put his arm around me, it was not cool to pretend I had a sun burn because I was embarrassed, or uncomfortable.  I learned that teenagers listened to Elton John and Ki Ki Dee, and The Carpenters, and The Captain and Tennille and not Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, George Jones, and Tammy Wynette.  I learned that dancing was fun, and that girls should wear cute bikini underwear...not white waist highs...and that if a girl wore said white waist high underwear other girls would laugh at me, as we changed for PE. (Which is also a laughable event, changing for PE...)  Also, girls should not let their mother's dress them in Winnie the Pooh separates in Junior High School, even if they fit and are cute...(not a laughable event).
So, anyway I was a good girl, but I was not popular.  I didn't care if I was the most popular or anything, I just wanted to have a girl-friend or two (boys were easy to be friends with, cuz I was cute, Mom).  The girls I went to church with were the ones that I "thought" would be my friends, but ahhh NO!!  That was not to be.  One day as I was walking home with my friend Scotty, (who is still my friend today)  I noticed that the popular Mormon girls were ahead of us.  They were walking with some other popular girls and I heard one of the Mormon girls yell out the "F" word...Now I didn't hear that word much, and I wasn't sure so I asked Scott if that was what she had said and he said yep she said "Fuck".  Whaaat?????  She's a MORMON!!!!!  I admit I was in judgment there but I just thought that we were not supposed to talk like that, but, lo and behold here is the biggest "naughty word" you can say coming out of her nice little Mormon mouth...I was amazed, and then I was mad.  I was trying to fit in by being "good" so that I would have friends that shared my same values, and all the time it wasn't true at all.  I lost a lot of faith that day.  I also learned a lot then too.  I learned that people are not always honest, that they will show the side they need to, to be accepted.  I learned that hypocrisy was still alive and well.  I also learned that it didn't matter what I did.  I needed to do what everyone else did to fit in, so I did.  I still wasn't popular, I still didn't have many friends, and I was still sad a lot because of it.  I learned that people judge and are harsh if to those that don't fit the mold.
That brings me back to MLK and Equal Rights Day.  People are harsh and we judge those that don't fit in the mold.  No matter what a person does to "try" to fit in. I read a lot of blogs that share this same philosophy.  Some label the offender, but to be honest, I don't know a soul who doesn't judge a little here and there.  It's human nature to compare and make a judgment based on experiences or feelings.  I'm just wondering if at some point we can just be accountable for that and forgive ourselves and move on.  I'm sure it's over done but Gandhi's  quote, is so applicable here.

Just a side note...where did that come from all I wanted to share was that I had a delicious bowl of Christmas today!!!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

MANKIND IS NO ISLAND - Tropfest NY 2008 Winner

I saw this on another blog, and pilfered the idea...had to thankful...Love you Blog world

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Not that I need to know, but....

The other day while I was at work a family member of my patient said this to me. "Not that I need to know, but are you LDS?"  My reply was .. "Well, I don't know. (Pause) I used to be."  To which she began to ramble on about on well we love you anyway, and started to share a story about a friend of hers that isn't LDS or Mormon, and how much she loved her "anyway" too...WTF!!!  I was annoyed.  Really, I've had a lot of people ask me that question, but I've never had a person react like that to my reply.
I've been wondering, if maybe I was the problem because I really haven't figured out how to answer that question anymore.  I used to say yes, because I was a TBM.  Then I was inactive so I'd still say yes, and occasionally move on to more conversation about the Mormon church and why I was inactive, if I was so inclined.  Now that I am considering resigning my membership in the church it feels hypocritical to say yes, even though officially I am still a member.
That is one of the biggest reasons I want to resign, well other than not believing it anymore, DUH.  I can't not believe in the church, and still say I am a member.  Hypocrisy is the biggest turn off for me.  I have never wanted to BE someone on the outside, when on the inside I am thinking and feeling something totally different.  In fact, I'm sure that pretending to be the person I wasn't played a huge part in my divorce, and frankly in the relationship I had with my ex's family.  I just refused to pretend that my shit didn't stink in front of them and it just didn't jive well. 
I don't ask people what religion they are.  I have a friend that had moved to Utah, from the North East. Her name is Mary and she was of a faith other than the predominant one here.  One day she and I were chatting after the city celebration parade, and the Mormon missionaries came up behind us.  They boldly asked us, "Are you members of the church?"  I said I was, because at the time I was TBM, but Mary's response was classic and it was the best example I have ever seen of showing a person how offensive it was to her to be asked that question.  She turned to the young elders and said, "Which Church are you asking me about?  I do belong to a church, and if you want to know I am Lutheran and I attend that church down the road.  When you blindly ask if I am a member of "the church" you must state which church or religion that is, because there are hundreds of churches and religions in the world, young men."  I was clapping inside and smiling on the outside...way to go Mary!!
Even though I was TBM, my life has always been filled with people from all walks of life.  I may have shared my story about being 5 and asking my mom to go to catechism with my other 5 year old friend, but I'm sharing it again because it really shaped a part of who I am and why I have always "tried" to be open to everyone.  So like I said when I was 5 I had a friend, and at that time of my life friends were hard to come by.  I was sure it was because I was a Mormon living in Montana, but that's never been proven. My friend invited me to catechism, and not caring or know what catechism was I innocently asked my mom if I could go with my friend to it.  Her response was, "No, you can't go, but you are welcome to invite her to Primary with us."  My 5 year old mind was confused.  Huh?  Why?  I just wanted to be with my friend. As I remember there was some discussion later in the evening as to why, but I don't have those details memorized, so I'll skip that.  So there you go my first lesson on hypocrisy.  I experienced a few more of these lessons in my life but that is the one I remember being first. Because of that experience I make sure that people know I have no judgment for what they believe and that I am interested in learning more about it, if they are willing to share.
I mentioned living in Montana when I was 5, and I have lived in a lot of other places that were not predominately Mormon, so I know what it feels like to be the odd man out, so to speak. I learned to grab a friend when a friend was willing.  I didn't care what religion they were, or what color their skin was, or how much money their parents made.  In fact I grew up around a lot of people with money and it didn't make then any nicer than anyone else.  As I have grown in to an adult I have learned to embrace all the differences around me even more and love them.  I even embrace the religion I am leaving because it has taught me many of the lessons of my life, and I would not be who I am with out it.  BUT PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, DO NOT SAY YOU LOVE ME "ANYWAY" WHEN YOU FIND OUT I AM NOT A MEMBER OF "THE CHURCH"...  Amen..?

Friday, October 15, 2010

What If

I've been reading a lot lately about the LBGT community and Boyd K Packer's talk in the recent General Conference.  I know that all religions take a stand for moral ideas and that is what works for them.  I'm sure that if there were no moral "rules" then our world would be even more slimy and barbaric.  The treatment of women and children would be outrageous and it's even possible that people would never own their voice to change the situation. 
Look at the past, the Holocaust, what happens in the Sudan, in Afghanistan, and Iraq.  There are so many that have no voice.  Look at America, the children that are raised with morals that tell them they must protect their "territory" with violence, or that it's OK to kill to right a wrong. There are women and men that are pushed around and bullied by their spouses, or their parents.  I could go on and on, but the bottom line is that there is good news in it all. 
The good new is that every one that I know  has a voice. (and that's like..well, a whole bunch..) They can stand up and say NO! I don't agree with what you said, or I don't get why this is happening let's fix it.  Even better news is that once someone stands up to the plate, others will follow.
Boyd K Packer gets to say how he feels, the church he belongs to influences his morals and therefore others will follow him.  That is good new for them. 
The good news for me is that I can see a million other people that have been taught a moral position that may or may not agree with BKP, but they are willing to stand for PEOPLE...Someone gets to stand up for People.  Look at history.  If someone had allowed Hitler to continue would anyone in the world know a Jew?  If there continues to be a moral bludgeoning of  Gays, Lesbians, Bisexual, or Transgendered people will my great grandchildren know some one who is LBG or T?  Sure it seems far fetched, but what if?
I'm just wondering if we all just learned to just LOVE PEOPLE, what would happen.  Love is light, acceptance, and truth. It is peace. It does not include judgment or harsh words.  It doesn't limit a persons morality.  It is just what it is Love.


Sunday, October 10, 2010


Over there on the side of my blog I have made a list that says "Great reads I've shared with Wilson."
Is anyone wondering who he is?  I would if I were reading this blog so I thought I'd share.
Wilson is my Nook.  It's a Barnes and Noble e book reader.  I got it from TD from Christmas last year.  It's probably my favorite Christmas present ever.
I named him Wilson because TD had order it way in advance and Barnes and Noble had sold out, so they were scrambling to get all the orders out before the holiday.  TD told me that it was scheduled to get here on Christmas Eve, so he was getting nervous.  He was joking about the movie Cast Away.  Somehow that deteriorated in to a discussion about Wilson.  We laughed about it most of the day.  The Nook did get here on time late afternoon on Christmas Eve.

Nooks have names.  I didn't know that but, when I was reading the directions it said to name my nook, at first I went for a girls name Molly (which is another funny story it won't subject you to).  But then I was thinking about it and said to myself...uh...what the heck...I should...I will call him Wilson.  It just seemed to fit him so much better.

I spend lots of time sitting in the blob reading books. The blob is a huge bean bag chair that TD got for Christmas that just seems to continue growing.  I don't think it's stopped yet and it's almost Christmas again The blob is really comfortable, but it also tricks me in to falling asleep.  So sometimes I sleep in the blob with Wilson...TD doesn't even care...

Love and Light Everyone!!!

Once in a Lifetime

Today is 10/10/10 so I am posting for history's sake.  
I read somewhere that it only happens every 1000 years.
I did not check that fact though only because I don't want to do the math.
I just choose to believe the internet this time...
Enjoy your once in a life time day!!!!
Love and Light

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Sunrise in Sedona

Overlook from the Airport

Some Quail at Sunrise

Lots of pics of the sunrise but I can't pick so you get them all...or well most of them anyway....

My Trip

I took a wonderful trip to Sedona Arizona with some friends that I share similar life experiences with.  Can I just say what a beautiful place it is.  It is a contradiction in landscapes.  There are huge red rocks that jut out of the land, there are white rock canyons, and calm beautiful streams that wind through it all. This is the view from my hotel..

The first place that we visited was what I call the most perfect swimming hole.  The scenery heading to the swimming hole is of course gorgeous.  There is a beautiful sky high red rock in the distance.  I never made it there because I found the swimming hole and didn't want to leave.  Walking up the path to a group of trees it seemed as if it was going to be a long haul, but of course with the scenery.  Just past the trees there it was the perfect swimming hole.  It looked like the stream was coming from the red rock and as it reached the spot just through the trees it spilled over into more red flat rocks that were just at ground level. Then the water fell over the end of these rocks into the most calm, peaceful, clean pool of water with a small beach on one side and then the outlet to allow the water to continue down stream.  I could have sat there all day.  I did slip on the ground level flat rocks and got all wet which was fine.  The flat rocks also made a slide into the pool.  What a great place...The Perfect Swimming Hole...Yahoo!!! I didn't get very good pictures of the pool because I was afraid to take my phone/camera out there since I had fallen once already but here's the idea.

Destination number two I can only describe as Magical.  Again it seemed like the day would be miserable and hot but I was mistaken again.  We drove about 10 miles up a canyon and found where we were to park.  We started hiking down the path and wow, everything just started to open up.  First we walked through an area that had old buildings on it. They were almost all gone but there were a few things left.  An old house, a barn or maybe even another house, and a cave inside a rock.  Apple trees that were obviously spaced for farming, and open fields that may have been for fields of other crops.  A way down the path it was more like a forest.  Just in the forest like trees, was a canyon of white and red sheer rocks straight to the sky, and meandering through that was the same stream of water from the day before.  It was cool and shady and the stream was calling me to follow it.  Then I found out why.  The water had carved out areas underneath the rocks.  These areas were beautiful.  The were crystal clear water pools.  (I'm just not a thesaurus of words today)  Smooth and cool.  Rocks and boulders that had fallen from above poked out of the water.  It is so hard to describe such a beautiful place.  Here's some pics...

Day Three was the dry day.  Hiked in the sun and really dispite how beautiful it was I was dehydrated before 10 minutes had passed.  So I just took a lot of pictures of the flowers and cactus.  I want a do over there because I have an affinity for rocks but my body wasn't going to let me that day.  Bell Rock was the first visit I got some good pics of it and the area around it.  Snoopy what the last place we visited.  You can see him in the distance.  Great energy there...

Shopping in Sedona was terrific!!  I'm not a shopper but I got a few nice things at a crystal shop, and an art show that was in town for the weekend. 

I loved Sedona and I will go there again...

Oh I forgot about the sunrise, I'll post the pics next....